I wrote about masculine and feminine qualities in this newsletter before citing Mo Gawdat, former Chief Business Officer of Google [X], “Sadly as we empower women today, we force them to become masculine.” Please have a look at the previous edition if you are not yet familiar with the concept of masculine and feminine qualities (and that those per se don’t have anything to do with gender, we all have both, just the proportions are different).

Today I want to come back to this and reflect more on that. The quote exactly reflects my past experience. For a long time I thought - and to a large degree this was a subconscious process - that the path to success (and let’s be honest happiness - because we often erroneously equate one with the other) was becoming more like the male role models I saw around me. What I thought I had to be: strong, assertive, sure of myself, working long hours, every day, day in, day out. Pushing, forcing, running, doing, acting, controlling (the good old illusion of control 😃). I thought I had to be like my male colleagues in order to belong instead of seeing my differences as strengths that I could bring to the table.

Yet many women in tech fall into this misconception. Leaning so much into the masculine that we lose our feminine and eventually ourselves. I’ve talked to women who stopped wearing make-up, skirts or dresses. While you might label these things as superficial, it shows what’s going on under the surface.

I do think that this is one of the reasons why women in tech are at higher risk of burnout compared to their male colleagues (see statistic below) and why work drains their energy more. On top of the past-paced environment, women are often wearing a mask and trying to be someone they are not.

And then of course there are societal values, which at large still value masculine qualities like logic, analytics, doing, planning, competition, reason, control and devalue feminine qualities like intuition, creativity, being, flow, collaboration, emotion, trust, which is further amplified in work culture.

I recently had a conversation with Angeley Mullins who served as Chief Marketing & Commercial Officer for many startups, often leading men. I loved her insight: “Men and women both have their unique gifts and personalities that should be integrated together in their working partnerships. Many men like to be useful and support others on their teams. If female leaders learn how to step into their own power by understanding personality dynamics, then they are not seen as a threat but as a trusted advisor and colleague.” She shared that she often let men to support her, both in bigger things such as projects as well as smaller things such as getting the door for her.

This is opposite to all what I heard and thought women should be: independent, self-reliant, assertive, strong … yet letting these two qualities play out instead of leaning only into one makes a lot of sense. But it never crossed my mind. Neither is what women are told they should do as also Mo Gawdat recognised.

Of course there is a place and time for leaning into these masculine qualities - and especially in work environments like tech. What I am saying though is that it’s not the only answer. Rather learning when what is more beneficial is the key.

Some examples: I do think women need to exude more certainty in themselves and convey their opinions with conviction. Yet there is situations where being empathetic, receiving support and leaning more into the feminine side is more beneficial. Not only for your own sake but for everyone else’s too. For example, when you actually need support.

I’d like to invite you to reflect on where you can try to be more in your feminine also at work - this is also an invitation for the men reading this newsletter. Where you might play with this energy of being open to receive instead of being very independent all the time. Definitely something that was hard for me in the beginning - I thought I had to do it all alone 😅.

NEWS - Is this really it?

You’ve been thinking “Is this really it?”

You feel boxed in by performance reviews, limited vacation days, and a calendar that’s never truly your own.

You just want to have slow mornings, enjoying your coffee but instead it’s another obligatory office day and you need to rush to be there on time for the first meeting.

You know that you want so much more. You want more freedom, flexibility in your schedule and you are ready to do things how you want.

I used to feel that way too.

I knew corporate wasn’t wrong, but it just wasn’t right for me either.
I had this quiet pull toward something different - more freedom, more creativity, more life.
But I had no clue what that would be or how to even begin.

And you don’t either. And that is fine.
Just knowing that you are ready to walk away is enough to get you started.

Fast forward: I’ve now been self-employed for almost a year and a half, and I can honestly say: I’m loving it and thriving.

✨ I get to choose the kind of work I do (and with whom).
✨ I take workcations - where morning swims and midday coffees are just part of life.
✨ I no longer ask permission to rest or travel.
✨ And most of all, I feel more me than I have in years.

This didn’t happen overnight. It took mindset shifts, it took personal power, it took unlearning old patterns, and figuring out how to make this leap.

And now, you want to know how to do this too.

And I have decided that I am going to share something soon.
Something is coming, something that is going to make you able to slowly enjoy your coffee in the morning wherever you choose to be and pull out the laptop to do what you want you chose to do.

Stay tuned 💫 Join the waitlist here.

Studies and stats 🔢 

Source: Global Burnout Index by Yerbo, a research report the surveyed 30 000 IT professionals across 33 countries in 2022.

Note: since the startup is no longer in operations, the links inside the report lead to strange websites 🫠. I researched the startup - it existed until 2024.

Wellbeing Hack 😁 

Build your personal power

This means building the ability to respond rather than react, feeling and regulating your emotions, widening your capacity to do and hold things. Building the knowing that whatever happens, you will be able to handle it and you will be fine. It might mean, you go through tough times but you always come out the other side as a wiser version of who you are. Being able to feel the emotions and go through hard things. And on the other end of it, being able to experience even greater things that you could ever imagine.

Content recommendations 📚️ 

My favorite pieces of content to learn and grow!

• Irreducible: Consciousness, Life, Computers, and Human Nature | Federico Faggin - Book

  Great book where the physicist Frederico Faggin explains why computers or AI can’t be conscious. He discussed consciousness and the nature of reality, sharing with us his profound insights on the classical and quantum worlds, artificial intelligence, life and the human mind. In this book, he elaborates on an idealist model of reality, produced after years of careful thought and direct experience, according to which nature's most fundamental level is that of consciousness as a quantum phenomenon, while the classical physical world consists merely of evocative symbols of a deeper reality.
  

• Enter your feminine power era | Connie Chapman - Awaken Radio Podcast

  Do you think that to be feminine you have to be soft, sweet and surrendered all the time? Then this podcast is for you. In this episode Connie Chapman discusses how you activate your feminine power so you can feel more confident, whole and bold, speak your truth, get your needs met and create what you truly want (while still feeling deeply feminine). 

What do you think is your biggest challenge to succeed in your career? ⛰️ 

 👉️ simply reply to this email - make it succinct!

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